Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woke up backwards on a recliner
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
