Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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