He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Operation Purity has been aborted
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
