Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
