apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
