all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
