Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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