They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
