the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
