Princesses don't give blow jobs
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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