why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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