i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
