When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
