dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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