So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
