Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
