feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
