Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
