It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
