I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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