And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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