can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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