Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
