Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You are the jesus of drinking
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
