dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
