At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I queefed so loud it echoed.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
