have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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