I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i wish my penis had a tongue
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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