i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
