woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
