my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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