i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
