My sheets look like a crime scene.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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