You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
we're making bets on your personal life
it's great music for shaving your balls
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
