Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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