My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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