it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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