One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
