he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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