Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
