oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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