I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
