wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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