I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
And then he peed in my hair
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