The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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