maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
