We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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