Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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