farters have to be the big spoon...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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