dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
