Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
