"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
