He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
