He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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