My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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