She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
