i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
