I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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