come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
