If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
