I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
