is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
