If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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