well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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