...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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