last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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