Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
