just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize